You were me and still are, through the sad, full moons, lost desires, the silence that waves around me like a veil. For I am you. And you are me. I cannot leave you behind; I cannot lose you on the way. Certainly, I cannot reject you, for otherwise, I reject myself. And I don’t want to. Because you built me. You laid the foundations for what I today call myself. And the pain does not matter, the wounds do not matter… I forgive you just like you should forgive yourself. To find calmness, you need to look in yourself. But you have to get rid of the excess blame and guilt. Rid yourself of the heaviness you carry in your chest (you believe there is its place).
Find your trust. Find the trust in yourself because it is only you who knows how to become a better person. Yes, one needs teachers, but if you do not work on that, then even the best teacher cannot teach you. No one can enter your soul but you.
And what will you find in it?
In most cases, you’ll find a child who stares into the darkness of the room, scared of the monsters that are lurking on the outside. Today, grown-up you does nothing about the same monsters, but you meet others.
Free the child from the fear; let the nightmares go away. Search within yourself for the strength that you need to succeed. Fear is helpful only when it saves our lives, only when it stops us from being reckless. But the fear of change, of being yourself, of failure, of what will others say, of the silence you find in your soul… That fear is awful. It makes us go into powerless searches for new fun, new relationships, new feelings, new hopes. And we forget about the child in ourselves; we leave it to sit lonely and scared.
I left you there. I left you in the past without acknowledging you are still here. But you, my little me, deserve my love for what you are and what you can be. What I will achieve is thanks to you.
The child in us is important; the child in us deserves our love. It does not matter if it was troublesome. Often, children do not understand what is right and wrong. The world and its examples teach them.
Children see their pals cry when they fall and get hurt. And they stop falling. They see that people scream when they are afraid. And they start screaming. They see grown-ups fighting when they’re angry. And they start hitting one another.
But, if they see decency and if they see themselves and ask what they want to become, then everything changes. They notice they are sad when someone screams. And they stop screaming. They feel hurt when someone is in pain. And they stop causing pain. They recognize that they feel like crying when someone insults them. And they stop insulting.
Why should we deprive the child that is still in us of examples that we can show them? Why should we deprive the child in us of the chance to feel calmness, to trust in themselves and in their strength? Who else would accept them better than us? Who else would believe in them more than their own selves?
Why do we turn our backs to the child that remains in all of us? Why don’t we accept that it is there? It still needs an adult’s encouragement and support, but now we are that adult. Give that silent child in you an opportunity to show themselves, to succeed. Show them your love. Children need love to be happy, and we adults need love to be happy. If we don’t love ourselves, how can we love others?
In each of us, there is a child. The wounds we’ve carried since childhood are still burning in our souls. They influence each of our actions even if we don’t realize it. The strength of the subconsciousness is the strength of that child. When we get angry, when we scream, when we’re jealous, the roots of those emotions are hidden in childhood. To get over those feelings, to find calmness, happiness, and love, we need to extend our hands and caress the child, hug them, and soothe their pain. If you do not care for your wounds, they will not heal. Look at them, address them, stare them in the face, and tell them they do not matter anymore; they shall go away.
I shall heal your wounds, my little me. I shall wipe your tears. And lo, I shall take away the bad, so we can move forward. You and me, striving towards a better future.
In order to head towards the future, the past should be left behind our backs. Wise men have said that one who does not know the past is damned to repeat it. Certainly, one who does not know their old pains, who does not know their old mistakes, who does not remember their old self, will walk the same steps because they never learn the lesson they were supposed to. But when we let go of the past, when we throw away its unnecessary weight, when we forgive ourselves and the world, then we can reach the future. And, even better, then we will be able to live in the present. Then, we can see how beautiful the world is.
What a beautiful world it is, especially if we look at it through the eyes of the child in ourselves. Children wonder at the slightest thing. And we should recall how the world around us was a wonder. It still is! Even if we now know how it works, it never stops being amazing. The sun’s warmth does not dull, the magnificence of the sunrise or sunset does not fade. Sometimes, we simply forget to enjoy those things.
But I will take them back again because I accept the child in me. I love it, and I allow it to forget its sadness. Today, the child in me is happy, and I start to love the world again.